Three Steps

imjustlo:

Yunlan isn’t sure why he’s so antsy. Shen Wei isn’t looking at him, not really, focused instead on treating Yunlan’s arm. Between Yunlan’s sentences, in those tiny spaces between the words, he’ll lift his gaze to meet Yunlan’s, and Yunlan has to remind himself to breath again.

He tries to lighten the mood with a joke or five, but he’s running short on material after being rejected like that.

“You should join the department.”

“No, thank you.”

Maybe Yunlan misunderstood something in the look Shen Wei gives him each time he sees him across a room. Maybe he needs to think a little more about it.

Shen Wei, in contrast, is entirely unfazed. He merely sets about his task as intently as he sets about everything. Until this point, Yunlan regarded it as a challenge of sorts. A game. What would it take to knock the groomed professor off his equilibrium?

He’d thought—He’d thought…

But now Shen Wei’s hands are brushing a little high, a little close to his sleeve, and Yunlan stutters over the second half of his sentence.

“There,” Shen Wei says, releasing him. There’s that soft smile, the one that never reaches his eyes.

Yunlan stands up. “Thanks,” he manages past a forced smile.

Shen Wei stands with him. “Be careful with it until it heals,” he says.

“Will do,” Yunlan says, already past him.

Shen Wei’s gaze lingers on his back. It’s heavy. Yunlan can feel it through his jacket as he crosses the hallway in two strides. He gulps as he sees his own door along the hallway.

It’s not far enough, Yunlan realizes as he pauses in Shen Wei’s doorway. He hears—feels—Shen Wei’s breathing hitch behind him. Yunlan rests his hands on either side of the door jam.

Three steps. That’s all there is between their individual spaces. That isn’t escape. That isn’t going to help. Yunlan will still be jittery, still be aware of him. He won’t be breathing any easier.

His eyes sharpen.

Then again, does he really want to?

“Yunlan?” Shen Wei asks from behind him, still on the opposite end of the hall, voice soft and uncertain and good on the ear. “Is there something else?”

Yunlan blinks. “I can’t,” he says to the open hallway, “wrap my head around this.”

“Pardon?” The voice is closer, but only slightly.

Yunlan steps away from the door, finds the knob, and closes it with a gentle click.

Behind him, silence responds. He turns around.

Shen Wei is staring at him, then at the closed door, then again at him. He manages to radiate both confusion and wariness in such elegant ways.

“I can’t wrap my head around this,” Yunlan repeats, more sure this time.

“Around what?” Shen Wei asks.

“This.” Yunlan gestures at the space separating them. “There’s a chemistry.”

“We’re friends,” Shen Wei says. He’s not making eye contact anymore.

Yunlan moves forward. He’s slow, calculating, like cornering a suspect. Shen Wei allows himself to be cornered.

“Good friends,” Shen Wei amends weakly.

“You don’t want to work with me,” Yunlan says.

“I feel it’d be inappropriate—” Shen Wei’s back hits the wall.

Yunlan cups one cheek, and then the other.

“I think you should leave,” Shen Wei whispers.

“Do you?” Yunlan asks, and he kisses him.

And when Shen Wei kisses back, it clicks. This. This is what they both wanted.