when i saw the headline ‘golf digest helps free man from prison’ i thought it was gonna be, like
“he’s clearly in the background of this golf photo! that proves he wasn’t at the crime scene!!”
as opposed to, like
“this guy in prison sent us his cool golf fanart but we didn’t want to promo a serial killer, so we looked into his case and thought it looked pretty flimsy and probably racially motivated”
Elegant fingers was plying the strings of a guqin.
The player’s features was empty of expression. Fair like the most exquisite of jade, craved with perfection.
Though the melody was that of a familiar song, known to everyone with a Haixing ancestry, it was however imbued with a strange melancholy, deep and helpless, tugging at the feelings of any listener.
The sorrow and yearning, cried out by this instrument, sung of truths that the young gentleman carefully hidden from view. Only now, in the relative privacy of a solitary pavilion within the lavish gardens of the Dixing Envoy’s embassy compound, that he dared to unfold a glimmer of his emotions. Pouring all into the wooden guqin placed upon the polished floor in front of his folded knees. His back remained straight, posture impeccable, even as his hands danced with abandon upon the guqin.
A storm had raged fiercely, leaving devastation within his soul. Only his eyes, crowned with charming lashes unfairly long, gave hint of the unhappiness within.
His identical twin entered the structure, kneeling carefully behind the musician, and encased his elder brother in a hug. Hooking his chin on his brother’s shoulder, the younger of the two began to softly hum, a jarring counterpoint to his twin. An old folk ditty from their Dixing motherland.
Faced with such provocation right next to his ear, the musician’s fingers left the guqin. “Ye Zun,” he softly chided, turning to face his mirror image.
His little brother smiled an unrepentant grin, familiar and so comforting. For a moment, Shen Wei felt as if they were back at the Palace, still in the safekeeping of their old guardian the crafty Lord Justice. Giving in to nostalgia, Shen Wei sighed and rested his forehead against his twin’s. Ye Zun lowly complained that he “preferred your drum playing, our clan’s energetic beats, rather than this slow nonsense!”
Shen Wei chuckled. Ye Zun never took to any Haixing culture with grace. That he agreed to forgo the Dixing mode of dressing was already a great concession. There were even tantrums thrown on the day their clan beads were combed out of the twin’s intricately braided hair, as they exchanged their customary Dixing robes for Haixing’s garments.
A gentle breeze flew by, playing with the unbound half of the brothers’ long tresses, styled in the common Haixing fashion meant for unmarried youths. The ticklish sensation of unbraided hair flying against their faces broke the moment and their embrace.
Pushing the guqin out of the way, Ye Zun threw his head in his brother’s lap, forcing Shen Wei to change his seat, the better to accommodate his twin’s antics. They had always been close, such behavior was nothing out of the ordinary for the openly affectionate Ye Zun. The only difference between him and the politely reserved Shen Wei.
Grabbing Shen Wei’s left hand, Ye Zun grumbled at the reddened marks left by the sharp strings of the guqin on his twin’s fingers, before launching into a litany of complaints, strings of grievances against the current Dixing ambassador tasked with hosting the twins. Shen Wei felt his face broke into a helpless smile at his brother’s bratty deportment.
He knew that Ye Zun was trying to distract him from the encroaching despair that was haunting Shen Wei.
With each sunset, his wedding —sight unseen— to the sole heir to Haixing’s Grand Duke Zhao Xin Chi, the famous young Lord Guardian Zhao Yun Lan, grew nearer.
…•…
Crouching on top of a wall, three young gentlemen was trying their level best to catch a glimpse of the Dixing nobleman betrothed to their good friend and ringleader Zhao Yun Lan. Accompanied by one apathetic guide, the son of the diplomat who’s courtyards they were intruding.
One hapless soul, the innocent Guo Chang Cheng was pressed to be the lookout, despite his many protestations and teary eyes.
“Old Chu, which one of them?”
Lying on his back along the wall, eyes closed and head resting on folded hands behind him, Chu Shu Zhi carelessly answered, “They’re identical twins. One face is as good as the other.”
He was soundly shushed for his pains.
“Lower your voice!”, one baby faced individual hissed. “Old Chu, you might be safe from the swords of your father’s guardsmen, but we’re not!”, another one added, his normally cunning face twisted with anxiety.
Their leader, too busy focusing his questing eyes towards the secluded pavilion, choose not to admit the inadvisable nature of their antics.
Zhao Yun Lan refuse to be wedded to a groom —no matter how prestigious— sight unseen, traditions and superstition be damned.
Guardian Fic Attempt, Part 2
Perhaps it was a stray breeze that carried their voices beyond sight, perhaps it was the cracking of tiles burdened with unaccustomed weight, or perhaps it was the sharpness of Zhao Yun Lan’s intent gaze.
Both of the twins froze and, in an eerily synchronized move, turned accurately towards the interlopers.
In a flash, a few throwing knives thudded home into the wall, right where those young Haixing aristocrats were huddling. Sunlight glittering on their edges. With a yelp, two of the trio tumbled down and scrambled to get away. Leaving one apathetic son of Dixing diplomat to continue with his sunbathing and one newly appointed Lord Guardian standing his ground and seizing the opportunity to meet with his mysterious future groom.
Smirking a significantly bloodthirsty expression, Ye Zun slowly rose from his brother’s lap, twirling a throwing knife between his fingers.
“Didi, remember what we promised to Lord Justice,” Shen Wei cautioned.
“Don’t worry, Ge. There won’t be a diplomatic incident if there’s no body to be diplomatic over.”
Guardian Fic Attempt, Part 3
Unfortunately, there was a diplomatic incident.
Zhao Yun Lan, unsure of the identity of his attacker and not wanting to accidentally maim his own fiancé, chooses to return the strikes he received from Ye Zun in an exaggeratedly careful manner. Softening his stances and turning aside the full potential impact of their exchanges. And as per his manner when facing an unexpected opponent, his lips was jokingly running full tilt with his usual stock of flirtatious words. Each of his sentences either begun or ended with a variation of praises on the charms of his sparring partner.
Da Qing and Lin Jing simultaneously facepalmed. From a safe distance, of course.
Chu Shu Zhi, still on the wall, was content with shouting out critiques.
Ye Zun, recognizing the way that he was being handled, was incensed at the perceived disdain from someone who was clearly a capable fighter. This snooping young lordling was pulling his punches, as if Ye Zun isn’t capable of answering his blows! To one from the noble House of Gui, widely acknowledged as one of the best pugilist in his motherland, this was a slight that could not be tolerated. Can’t this moron tell what skill it took to not kill someone in a blow when each of his attack was meant to be a singular death strike?
When his ears finally caught up with the nonsense that was sprouting from that smarmy mouth, his irritation ignited to honest fury.
The fight turned into a brawl, with Ye Zun chasing after Zhao Yun Lan all over the place.
Passersby —attracted by the noise of the fight— alerted the nearby station of the Capital Guardsmen. Who then arrived with alacrity. To witness the young Lord Guardian in a spar was a great treat to these enthusiastic fans of the popular Zhao clan. The Grand Duke, veteran of countless battles, was held with high esteem by all those who served to protect the nation and everyone shared great hopes and pride for his sole heir.
The cheerful nature of these patrolmen changed when they finally got to the scene.
Hapless Guo Chang Cheng was cowering by the walls of the Dixing embassy. Too scared to move. His crimson and burgundy attire, paired with elaborate golden embroidery and a gilded crown on his head, instantly proclaimed his identity to all. The fight between the Lord Guardian Zhao the younger and this unknown youth took on a different story.
Even the most illiterate beggar can tell you that there stood the Dowager Empress’ eldest grandson, in mortal peril.
With a shout the guardsmen surrounded the two fighters, a ring of spears appeared with grim determination. The sole survivor of the decimated MuShi Wangfu must be protected!
Because the plot bunny decided to go back to the depths of Dixing motherland ……here’s a cover?
Guardian Fic Attempt, Part 4
“Didi, please step back.”
A clear voice broke into the commotion, during a lull in the standoff between the two combatants, metaphorically taking in the deep breath before the plunge.
One half of the fighters surrounded by a forest of spears abruptly changed his tack and nonchalantly shrugged, appearing to be as if he’s out on an extremely boring stroll. A noble gentleman that wasn’t —just seconds ago— doing his level best to take Zhao Yun Lan’s head.
Nonplussed, everyone was searching for the owner of the voice, and taking cue from the strange youth in silver and grey, they looked up towards the walls of the Dixing embassy. Another copy of the miscreant opponent of Lord Zhao the younger was standing up there, with his white and azure robe fluttering in the wind. Exactly the same, down to the shape of their brows, and yet completely, unmistakably different.
If the one in silver was a smiling demon incarnate, sent to sow chaos amongst mortals, then the one in azure was an icy celestial, descending to taunt hopeless human infatuation.
A few of the more green patrolmen were openly gaping at the sight. Those of the more “seasoned” ones just coughed or made some other small movements to get a better grip over themselves.
And then with nary an effort, the gentleman on the wall floated down whisper-soft as a willow leaf blown by the wind. As his garments settled down from the controlled flight, a subtle display of qinggong mastery, he walked towards the amassed crowd who hastily put away their sharp implements and parted to make way.
Lin Jing whistled with admiration. That kind of presence, a silent command that expected and compelled instant obedience only came from those who had spent years in power, or those who was bred with them.
‘There comes a time in a man’s life that you just have to admit that sometimes there are humans too pretty to be considered real’, Zhao Yun Lan philosophically thought to himself. And hoped really hard that it’s this one that he’s betrothed to, instead of the devil in front of him. Wedding night might get a bit troublesome if otherwise.
“Touch a single strand of his hair, and I shall slay each and every single last of you.”
The threat, delivered by such a soft expression and a cultured voice, was such a whiplash to those present that they were rendered speechless. Zhao Yun Lan dearly wished to restart today. Ignoring them, the azure gentleman then turned around towards Guo Chang Cheng and gracefully apologised for “the sudden fright” before holding out a hand towards his brother. He swiftly flew away —with his twin in hand— into the embassy before anyone could gainsay a word.
“What… just happened?” one brave guardsman piped out, right before a side door to the embassy banged open and Dixing soldiers poured out, sabers rattling, like an overturned jar of bees.
The captain of the embassy’s forces, beard bristling with agitation, stomped over and loudly demanded an explanation.
Guardian Fic Attempt, Part 5
Madam Zhao had her son kneeling in the family altar chamber until her ire was satisfied. His body aches afterwards.
The Grand Duke had Yun Lan overseeing the monthly patrol rosters as well going over the budget for both their household security forces and also the capital patrol. His fingers cramped up from all those writing and calculations that he had to do and Zhao Yun Lan swore that his sight went cross-eyed for a while. His brain hurt.
Being summoned to an audience with the emperor was, in comparison, an evening stroll. It also helps that —next after Guo Chang Cheng— he was a favourite of the Dowager Empress, who was present in the chamber.
Armed with his usual bullshitting and sweet talking, he got out of the meeting fairly intact.
However, he did not escape unscathed from the second meeting with his prospective husband.
That very same evening.
Meeting that beautiful pair of eyes across the street as he was about to be dragged over the doorways of the capital’s foremost flower bower, all Zhao Yun Lan could think about was,” … well, fuck.”
Guardian Fic Attempt, Part 6
“Zhao Yun Lan, you idiot!” Chu Shu Zhi hissed under his breath. Had he knew that the moron was planning on a carousing spree with some of his more feckless acquaintances, the ambassador’s heir would’ve taken the twins he was entrusted with to a sightseeing jaunt somewhere else. But Lord Ye Zun was curious about the nightlife of the capital and Lord Shen Wei was interested in the various businesses established by their Dixing countrymen. On the way, he arranged it so that they would pass by the many song courts and flower houses flourishing in the city. Two bird, one stone.
But that man just had to ruin it.
“Well, now we can be certain that the reputation of my future brother-in-law was earned honestly,” said Ye Zun with a cynical twist to his lips. Glancing at his brother’s frozen countenance, the Dixing princeling felt a surge of venomous wrath. No one should ever get the chance to hurt his brother! “Shall I skin him for you? We might even get a small drum out of it.”
Shen Wei drew in a steadying breath. Seeing the nobleman tripping into a pleasure house, only a bare week away from their own wedding, had crushed something small and fragile within him. A flower chaser! Who seemed to hold the opinion that Shen Wei deserves none of his consideration.
He held no illusions over this marriage contract between the two of them, it was nothing more than just another skein of thread being used to add new colour to the old embroidery of peace held by his motherland and the Haixing kingdom.
There was never any dream for a great love. Shen Wei realized the foolishness of such notion from an early age. Not with his position in the Dixing aristocracy. He knew that their bloodline was an asset to the empire and will be utilized for the greatest profitable conclusion by the Great One on the throne. And with an ailing guardian rapidly succumbing to old age —his power base gobbled up by various factions, leaving none for the twins to work with— the orphan grandsons of the previous emperor could only bow their head and danced a life between constant blades of suspicion and paranoia. With Ye Zun’s life and happiness as his incentive, Shen Wei was the model of an obedient royal nephew.
But Shen Wei had steadfastly held on to a small hope that perhaps there was room for a quieter sort of affection. Surely his new Lord-husband might desire to cobble together some form of courtesy and cooperation with Shen Wei, to comfortably weather out the rest of their life together. It fueled his actions, ever since the identity of his future spouse was made known. Shen Wei had painstakingly laboured over skills and knowledge that might be useful to a new life in Haixing soil. Perhaps, he had mused, he might even pleased that unknown person, who was also snarled together in this cobweb of power and politics.
But this blatant show of disrespect put paid to even that tiny gleam. ‘So, he’s not even going to allow me some form of dignity as his mandated legal spouse’.
It hurts.
“Thank you for the offer, but I must decline. If there’s any skinning to be done, I shall do it myself.” Shen Wei was thankful that his voice managed to come out even and composed.
“Let’s go. The scent these flower powders are rancid.”
…
“Eh, Lao Zhao, isn’t that your Dixing twins?” Zhu Hong, dressed up as a boy for tonight’s adventures, remarked curiously.
“Yep.”
“Lao Zhao, you’re dead meat.”
“Yep.”
Guardian Fic Attempt, Part 7
Lord Mao’s son Da Qing swayed, face flushed with the alcohol in his belly.
“Lao Zhao! Why’re –hic– you still here?”
Catching his flailing limbs, the young Lord Guardian said exasperatedly, “Because someone needs to look after your fat ass, what did you think! Why else would I be here?!”
“But, you said –hic– you said you saw your –hic– your pretty Dixing!” Turning to an equally red Zhu Hong, who had been drinking in solidarity, he demanded “Right?! You saw too, rig-” before giving a huge burp and slumping over the table, moaning softly. “You should go. Go and –hic– and say something.”
Glaring with bleary eyes, face half smushed to the table’s surface, Da Qing shooed him away amid his hiccups. “Go and chase your –hic– pretty Dixing! Don’t be like me –hic-! Was too late, and now –hic– my pretty Dixing is too angry to –hic– to talk to me –hic– anymore!” Grabbing another wine jar, the inebriated Mao heir tried to tip the liquor into his mouth without moving his head.
Taking the alcohol away, Zhao Yun Lan sighed.
This latest conflict between Da Qing and his Dixing sweetheart, the feisty Da Ji-er, seems to hit him harder than usual. Resulting in tonight’s incident. Alerted by Zhu Hong —favourite niece of the owner to this glamorous establishment, the merchant prince Master She— that the lovelorn fool had been gulping down alcohol like it was water, Zhao Yun Lan had immediately came after his oldest best friend, and in his worry, completely forgot about how such actions could be misunderstood by outsiders.
“Bad” would be the least of it. “Catastrophic” might be nearer to the mark. A Haixing fiancé would be marching straight to the nearest matchmaker’s office to log a complaint, on the spot. And sent for runners from the Magistrate to catch him red-handed.
He’s surprised to be still breathing, to be honest. The glare he received from his soon-to-be brother-in-law was lethal enough to strip skin from flesh.
(Zhao Yun Lan was immensely thankful to found out that it was the other one that he’s betrothed to. Not the happiest-at-maiming one.)
He inwardly winced as he remembered that look in those pretty eyes of his promised future spouse. And horribly sick at being the one who placed it there.
Of all the places that he could go to drown his woes, why the heck did Da Qing choose this one?!? That useless cat!!
Zhu Hong broke into a drunken singing, and was soon joined by a caterwauling Da Qing and an off-key Lin Jing. San Zan, the Lin young master’s bodyguard, was content to sway and hum along the trio’s performance. Seeing his peaceful nature, with a slightly foolish look on his face, it’s hard to believe that this man was a jianghu master contracted by the Rites Minister to look over the safety of his harebrained eldest son.
But a sheathed sword remained unblunted, and the man sensed Zhao Yun Lan’s growing disquiet.
“Young Master Zhao, if there’s other matters to oversee, leaving now would still be appropriate. As for these three, leave them to this San Zan.” Giving a small smile, the man added in a lower voice —as if imparting a great hint— “Whenever Wang Zheng got unhappy, I always apologize first. No matter who was wrong.” He then gave a very obvious wink, as if mentioning his harmonious courtyard —where he and his wife never once argued— was in anyway helpful to Zhao Yun Lan’s current dilemma.
Lightly clapping Zhao Yun Lan’s back in a vaguely encouraging manner, the “lovetap” sent the young Lord Guardian skidding to the doorway. Skilled as he was in the Zhao Family’s martial discipline, it’s nothing compared to the experience and raw power that the gentle giant possessed.
Nodding to send Zhao Yun Lan off, the man then turned back towards his charge and his intoxicated companions. Clapping his hands to the beat of their terrible warbling.
With a bemused smirk at the trio —judging by their current behavior, the stupendous hangover tomorrow shall be a thing of beauty— Zhao Yun Lan hurriedly left the flower pavilion. He has a fiancé to find and a misunderstanding to untangle. He hopes to be successful in both task and that he didn’t left too late to catch their trail.
The anger and hatred of a dead god is not something so easily ignored. Not when his temple was conquered by he that defeated him. Not when it became a shrine to the remains of the mortal that dared to slay him. Not when that mortal dared to ascend to godhood.
The God of the Hunt and Wilds is not pleased and his restless anger and fury possess the trophies once left to him. The strength of many great and heroic kills rests in these bones, furs, and fangs.
I wouldn’t challenge him, not even to reclaim the temple to my half-kin. Not even if it would restore the balance. I will never let anyone find this place again. May the anger and rage of Linaeus boil until nothing is left. There is no hero or adventurer that may stand without fear in the presence of this wraith.
~ Theren of House Eosin
Felt like drawing the next boss in my campaign. Well, soon to be abbreviated campaign, but whatever.
1.5-2hrs Ink and pencil
………………….
is there……………..anything…………………you’re not good at ?
Pete: Have you ever had a friend sleep over?
Ae: No, I live too far away for that. Why are you smiling about that?
Pete: I’m glad. I get to be the first one who sleeps here.
Ae: And the only one too.
Wei: Are you guys this sappy this early because this is the most screen time you’ll probably get together? I feel like this is a bad way to start.
Ae: I think I’m really lucky because I get to be with you.
—–
Tin takes the perfect selfie first try.
Wei: Damn.
Tin writes a little note on the selfie and sends it to Can.
Wei: Double damn.
Can receives the selfie and smiles.
Wei: DON’T FUCK THIS UP CANTALOUPE
—–
Can: WOW IS THIS A HOUSE FOR HUMANS OR JUST GIANT
Tin: Are you here to watch a movie or my house.
Wei: Tin, calm down. Let the boy be amazed at the size of your… doors. :giggles:
Phupha: Uncle Tin!
Can: Oi, it’s that guy’s son.
Phupha: My name is Nong Phu not “that guy’s son.”
Can: Your dad is a bad guy. Are you bad too?
Wei: Ok Tin, you really should have said something here.
Phupha: My dad is a good person! He’s the best!
Can: No, he’s the worst!
Wei: Okay, don’t just make a face Tin, SAY SOMETHING.
Can: His father does all sorts of things to you and you won’t let me confront him. So I ended up taking it out on his son.
Wei: THAT MAKES IT WORSE, CAN
Tin: PhuPha and his mom are not the ones that hurt me. If I want to take revenge, I wouldn’t take it out on them. They are more like my family than anyone else in this house.
Can: OKAY FINE I’M SORRY
Wei: And thus everyone learned how to not be jerks for a moment.
—–
Can: OOO SNACKS! Can I eat?
Tin: Sure.
Can reaches and Tin stops him.
Tin: But first you have to pay.
Can: What do you mean?
Tin strokes Can’s bottom lip with his thumb.
Can: KISSING AGAIN?
Can actually looks torn before he agrees.
Wei: I can’t believe you’re giving up kisses for food. Have some standards Can, it’s just popcorn and cookies. STORE BOUGHT COOKIES NO LESS.
Tin: Open your mouth.
Can: NUH UH
Tin: Open your mouth, Can.
Can: NOT ON YOUR-
TinCan kiss. The best kiss of the series. Look at those lips moving. Look at that hand clinging to Tin’s shoulder. Truly, a work of art.
Tin: Does it taste good?
Can: Good… One more time?
Wei: AWWWWW YEEEAAAHHHHH BOIIIIIIII
—–
Pete: What time will you leave Bangkok tomorrow?
Ae: Should be 7, but they’re always late, so it’ll probably be 8AM
Pete: Oh then I should let you sleep.
Ae: It’s not that late. What are you doing now?
Pete: Talking to you.
Ae: Don’t use Pond’s stupid jokes!
Wei: This is so soft and domestic.
—–
Ley: God P’Can, just one photo takes you forever… OH GOSH MY LUCKY DAY.
Tin: Are you going home today?
Pete: No, I’ll go to my apartment. It’s closer.
Tin: Oh your apartment? I’ve been thinking of getting one too.
Pete: One for yourself? Oh mine is not bad if you want to come check it out.
Tin: Same building as you? Not a bad idea.
Tin spots Ley.
Tin: Lemon.
Ley internally: SHIT SHIT SHIT
Ley: Sawaddee kha… You remembered me?!
Tin: I’m lucky to catch you here. I have a gift for your mother.
Ley: M-My mother?
—–
Can: HELP ME IN THE GAME YOU GUYS
Ley: P’CAN!
Can: What.
Ley: P’Tin and P’Pete! Are they boyfriends?!
Can: WHAT?!
Ley: Well I saw them together today! They look so cute talking to each other! I’ve even heard they’re moving to the same apartment! Even their faces were thiiiiis close, almost kissing!
Can slowly becomes visibly upset.
Ley: He even bought a gift for Ma! I was going to refuse but P’Pete said I should accept. Their eyes were sparkling! They looked like they could read each other’s minds!
Wei: Ley, your brother literally looks like he’s about to cry. Maybe you should stop.
Ley: I ended up accepting the bags, they’re so beautiful!
Can: YOU ACCEPTED THEM?!
Ley: Well… yeah. But I didn’t give Ma hers yet because I know she’ll tell me to return them to P’Tin. But P’Pete made me promise to talk Ma into accepting the bag or P’Tin will be disappointed. See how they work together?! They must be boyfriends!
Wei: Oh god. Please stop Ley.
Can: RETURN THEM. REMEMBER, NO ONE CAN BUY US
Ley: Oh yeah, what about your phone?
Can: I’m repaying him monthly!
Ley: So what? That’s still P’Tin’s money. I don’t care. I like the bag and I’m going to keep it and I’m going to talk Ma into accepting too! Now just worry about confirming if they’re boyfriends!
Wei: Ley, you have crossed several lines and I do not like this.
Can: Ai Tin, just what did you do with Ai Pete?!
—–
Tin: Hello?
Can: AI TIN! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH AI PETE?! YOU CAN’T DO THAT. AI PETE AND AI AE ARE DATING YOU KNOW. AND NOW MY SISTER SAYS YOU AND AI PETE ARE BOYFRIENDS?! WTF?! AND AFTER ALL THE TIMES WE’VE BEEN HANGING OUT? WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO FLIRT WITH HIM?! AND DON’T TELL ME… You two… kissed too?
Wei: Jeez Can, be more obvious.
Can: You can’t do that! We’ve already kissed! And you said you want to date me!
Wei: Ok I didn’t expect you to actually get more obvious, but alright.
Can: If I know you’re trying to take Ai Pete away from Ai Ae, I’ll hunt you down and beat you up!
Wei: You got even more obvious. JFC.
Can: OI SAY SOMETHING! IF YOU DON’T, I’M GOING TO GO STRAIGHT TO YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW.
Tin: Are you jealous?
Can: JEALOUS MY ASS! I’M NOT JEALOUS OF YOU.
Wei: YOU ARE AND YOU’RE IN DENIAL.
Tin: You don’t want me to mess with the other Thai Program. And now you don’t want me to be around Pete while I’m still trying to date you. Isn’t this jealousy?
—–
Can: I’m jealous? OK FINE I’M JEALOUS BUT I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE!
Wei: Was this supposed to be the moment where Can shows us how afraid he is?
—–
Ae texts Pete.
Pond: AI AE WHO ARE YOU TEXTING?!
Ae: Stop being nosy.
Pond: Of course the real Pond has to be nosy! You’re missing Ai Pete so much already that you have to ditch all of us to chat with him? I told you to bring him along!
Wei: PREACH
Ae: Actually… you were right. I should have brought him. I miss him a lot.
Pond: WHAT?! YOU ACTUALLY MISS HIM AND ADMIT I WAS RIGHT?! YO AI SHORTY COME BACK HERE AND KEEP TELLING ME SHIT.
—–
Pete: Can… Why are you here?
Can: Oh I’m meeting P’Type and I told him to meet me here… but I also wanted to see you!
Pete: Huh?
Can: Can I ask you something? What’s the relationship between you and Ai Tin?
Pete: We’re just friends. Why are you even asking this question?!
Can: My sister claims you’re boyfriends.
Pete: Me? Tin’s boyfriend?
Pete internally: BITCH WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN THE LAST 13 EPISODES?
Pete: Nope nope nope. Just friends. I told her that so she’d keep the bags.
Can: Oh good… I feel better then. I thought Ai Tin was still trying to get between you and Ai Ae.
Wei: Riiiiiight… That’s totally what you were worried about.
Can: And I thought Ai Tin was playing with you and me… Messing around with you while trying to date me…
Pete: :shit eating grin on his face: So are you jealous of Tin? You’re here asking all these questions…
Can: YOU’RE MISUNDERSTANDING! OH SHIT LOOK AT MY PHONE IT IS TOTALLY VIBRATING. IT MUST BE P’TYPE. I GOTTA GO ANSWER THIS. ABOUT JERSEYS AND SHIT. OK BYE.
Pete internally: Bitch, just say you want to bone Tin.
Wei: PETE IS OUT HERE STANNING TINCAN AND WE OWE HIM SO MUCH.
—–
Type: Here, be more careful next time.
Wei: Oh… He… actually had a jersey to give Can. Huh. Wonders will never cease.
Type: My older brother gay senses are tingling. What’s wrong with you Can?
Can: Well… I can’t figure something out.
Type: Sounds like you’re falling in love.
Can: NO! :voice breaks as he says it: I’m not in love! Why are you talking about it! No way! I don’t need love! I don’t want a relationship! It’s too complicated!
Wei: Me thinks Can doth protest too much.
Can: You make it sound like you want me to go bother someone else. Don’t you care about this freshman of yours anymore? :pouty face:
Type: Bitch, have I ever said I love any of you freshman?
Wei: OH SNAP
Can: Damn P’… You’re
Type: What am I? Say it. Out loud.
Wei: :whispers: Vampire…
Can: So damn straightforward.
Type: If you want someone to say they love you, go ask your guy over there.
Can: HE’S NOT MY GUY!
Type: If you’re protesting this much just because I’m teasing you, then something is up. Why be so worried if he’s not? I know you’ve punched him. I’ve heard you yell about how much you hate him. But now all of a sudden you both hang out a lot. Anyway, it’s not my business. I should let you two confess on your own time.
Wei: HE KNOWS WHAT’S UP. Type is the stable gay older brother we all deserve. God bless.
—–
Tin: Why are you hiding from me?
Can: I’m not hiding! Why are you smiling!
Tin: I’m glad that you’re thinking.
Can: Thinking about what?
Tin: Me.
Wei: That was actually pretty smooth for Tin.
—–
Tin: Get in.
Can: No. Where are we going? I have to go home.
Tin: I just want to find a quiet place to talk with you. I thought you said you weren’t afraid of me?
Can: Let’s just talk here.
Tin: Okay. Be my boyfriend, Can.
Wei: Oh god.
Tin: Why are you looking at me like you’re so upset?
Can: What the hell are you talking about!?
Tin: You already know that I like you. I’d ask this question sooner or later anyway.
Can: OI TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.
Tin: Okay. Date me, please Can.
Wei: SHIT I CAN SEE TIN’S HEART BREAKING SLOWLY ALREADY. NO NO NO.
Can: I said talk about something else, not change the question.
Tin: Why are you stalling?
Can: Ai Pete says I’m jealous. P’Type says I’m falling in love. I don’t understand any of it!
Tin: What do you mean?
Can: Not understanding is not understanding! I don’t know if I’m really jealous. I don’t know if I can give you all of my attention. More importantly, I don’t know if I love you. I don’t know what love is. Why do you even like me?
Tin: Because when I’m with you, I feel comfortable.
Can: But I feel comfortable when I’m with my friends too.
Tin: You help me breathe.
Can: I’m a human, not oxygen. I make carbon dioxide and that can kill you if you breathe too much.
Tin: I know that I like you.
Can: But I know I don’t like this… I don’t like this feeling…
Tin: What do you mean?
Can: I don’t like feeling jealous. And if I was your boyfriend, I’d have to deal with that all the time. I wouldn’t be able to eat or sleep. I’d always worry about where you are and who you’re with. Can’t we just be friends instead? Then we can see each other whenever we want. We can have lunch, watch movies, and just hang out. Isn’t that enough?
Tin: I don’t want to be friends.
Can: But I want to be friends.
Tin: I don’t want to be JUST friends.
Can: Ai Tin. Ai Tin.
Tin drives away.
Wei: KHUN NEW YOU DID US TINCAN SHIPPERS DIRTY.
—–
Tin’s dramatic crying in the shower scene.
Tin: WHY?! WHY ME?! WHY CAN’T I HAVE SOMETHING I REALLY WANT IN MY LIFE?!
Wei: Oh Tin, baby, I’m sorry.
Wei: I mean we get to see Mean be wet and sad, but Khun New, you did us dirty.
—–
Pete: Hello?
Ae: Turn on your camera.
Wei: Why does Ae’s voice sound so much deeper here? Did they get someone else to say it or fuck up the recording?
Suddenly Pete is next to Ae on the beach.
Wei: Now Ae is hallucinating. That’s great.
Ae: Whenever I see your face, I miss you so bad.
Wei: YOU COULD HAVE INVITED HIM ALONG!
Ae: Fortunately you’re not here.
Pete: Why’s that?
Ae: Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from “hugging” you. A few minutes ago they sang love songs. It made me think of you.
Pete: Did you sing some songs too?
Ae: I suck at singing.
Wei: Anyway, here’s Wonderwall?
Pete: Can you sing me a song?
Ae: I told you I can’t sing. But don’t look so upset. If I have to, I’ll sing this song for you.
Ae sings. It’s not the worst singing, but it’s not the best either.
Pete: Ae… I love you.
Ae: You don’t have to tell me. I already know.
Insert love story flashback montage.
Wei: You couldn’t even end the series with Ae and Pete together at the beach? We get this montage instead? KHUN NEW WHY DID YOU DO EVERYONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR MAIN SHIPS DIRTY LIKE THIS?
He really needs to be given a sainthood after he dies. Saint Bai Yutong — patron saint of criminal psychologists who can’t look after themselves. That has a ring to it.
(Or, the one where there are “platonic kisses”. Emphasis on the quotation marks.)
The Last Good Bar 
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