dont-leav-eme:

Insecure

An angsty TinCan fanfiction

Can felt pin pricks hit his eyes, as he watched Tin and Pete from a far. The two looked so good together, Can gulped.He hated the way Tin looked at Pete, his eyes were so gentle, how could they not be. Pete was pastel colours. Soft, pretty and totally sweet. Can was like fluorestant, far far to bright. And would hurt Tins eyes if he looked to long at him.

Just then Good came to Can side, he gently pat Can sweaty shoulder. Leading to Can to sigh softly.

‘Oh Ai Good, Why do I care so much about this?’

‘Can…what…is..this????’ Good replied with his usually slow tempo of speech. It reminded him of Tins slow heart beat when he rested his head on Tins well built chest.

Why doesn’t his heart beat as fast as mine?

‘Oiiiiii!’ Can shook himself like a dog and pointed at the sight of Tin and Pete studying together.

‘Your….boyfriend…is….just…studying?’

‘But he’s with Pete!’ And he looks at him like he’s the whole world.

Good just looked even more confused, his black hair blowing in the wind. Can studied his face, he felt so frustrated, even Good would be a better fit for Tin. Handsome face, quiet. God what was Tin doing with a boy like Can???

‘Whatever I’m going to the toliet!’ Can rushed off, stomping in to the bathroom, looking at his face in the mirror. He frowned. He looked like a kid, a dumb stupid kid with a bad hair cut. Not a man who could take out one of the most rich teenager of Bangkok. A man who could kiss that same teenager, make that teenager moan his own name. Sex with Tin felt unreal, it was unreal that Tin wanted to be that close to someone like him.

Can left the bathroom with a huff.

He felt a hand grab his wrist, a large hand, smooth to the touch. Can hated that touch, that touch made him feel weak, and he didn’t want to seem weak in front of him. Without hesitation Tin pulled Can in to his strong arms.

‘I missed you.’ Tin breathed in to Cans shoulder

Yeah, missed what? Cans annoying noises or Cans clumsiness?

‘Hmmmm’ Can said, he loosed himself from Tins grip.

‘You could see me, but you always seem so busy with Pete.’ Damn Can thought, he wish he could stop his motor mouth.

Tin looked in his eyes. A small smile appearing on his lips.

‘You’re jealous, eh Cantaloupe?’

Can felt his chest tighten, a hot steam seemed to hit the bottom of his stomach.

Why did Tin do that? Giggle at Can? Aren’t boyfriends meant to be sweet?

‘No!’ Can said, too quickly. He suddenly wanted to hide, hide away from Tins smile, hide away from Tins soft inviting lips and his all knowing eyes.

‘ I have stuff to do,bye!’ Can said quickly again, he nearly tripped over himself to get away from the older man.

‘ Can-‘ Tin called after him but Can pretended not to hear him.

-Time Skip-

Tin stood outside his car, waiting for the smaller excited boy. He wondered what was fully wrong with the boy. His cold edged face didn’t show it, but he was shaken to his core. He’d only been dating Can for a couple of months, but he felt like he was walking on the worlds thinnest glass. He didn’t derserve someone so sweet, who smiles lit up the whole world. What if this is it, he thought, that Can would see what Tin was, a stupid broken boy. And break his heart. It would hurt more then last time because he’d already had a taste of the boy.

And when Can walked up to Tin, a stromy look in his eyes, Tin opened his car door. Might as well get this over with.

The two sat quietly. It was unusual for Can.

‘Ai Tin…’ Can said at first and trailed off.

‘Hmmmm’ Tin braced himself for the blow, he shut his eyes waiting for the break up to come but instead

‘ Why do you like me?’ Can asked. The question came out all in one breath.

‘ you help me breathe.’ Tin replied his response automatic.

Can gave a whine ‘ No, Ai Tin, don’t talk in riddles, I mean ‘ he paused ‘ Looks wise’

Tin raised an eyebrow. He turned to face Can. He had seen this face in so many different emotions, hurt, happiness, wild laughter, smugness and of course absolute pleasure.

‘ Oh Can’ he ruffelled his hair ‘ I like everything, I like it your eyes, they are so bright I feel I’m being so blinded, I like your smile, I can’t describe the feelings I have when you smile at me Cantaloupe, ‘

‘Ah,Ai Tin don’t use that na-‘ Tin stopped him with a finger to his lips.

‘ You asked me a question, don’t interrupt me; I like how your ears go red when you blush, like they are doing now, I like your dark hair, it’s soft. Your fringe it’s so cute, you look so young. You are so cute. I like your body, I like how slim and small you are, but you are so strong it’s hot when you grab me, it makes me feel so wanted…’ Tin didn’t even know what he saying at this point but he couldn’t stop, his mouth felt like a run away train.

‘ I like that mole on the back of your neck, its like a little button, and your hands , your hands are so small, so soft, so gentle.’ He grabed Cans hand for effected and kissed it softly.

Can gulped as Tins eyes landed on his face. He replayed the sentenses over and over in his mind. His face was burning. 

‘If you feel all that, why do you spend all your time without me, why do you not touch me that much anymore, am I just a stand for Ai Pete, I always see you with him, you better not be making things for him and Ae difficult!’ He knew he was being stupid, but he couldn’t help it, his mind told him not to believe the things that Tin said about him. 

‘Do you not trust me, Can?’ Tin asked a steely quality in his voice ‘After all that, you don’t believe me, why don’t you believe me?’ 

Can was thrown by Tin edge in his voice. 

‘Ai Tin! I don’t understand, its all so complex, why does it feel so easy and so complex at the same time, why is someone like you with someone,’Can couldn’t help it, he felt the pin prick of tears in his eyes ‘with someone like me? I don’t believe you can’ He felt the tears roll down his cheek ‘c-c-an feel like that towards me, to s-s-see me -like t-t-that,’ Can felt his protective walls fall, the ones that kept him so happy and unthinking, ones that hid his deep self loathing. ‘Pete looks be-b-etter with y-y-you, I-i’m’

He then felt Tin go towards him, he hugged him. He pated Can softly, trying to calm him down.

‘Can, its okay, look Im sorry, I promise you, I promise you, its you. You are never a stand in, Pete isn’t ever going to get between us, I promise. I’m sorry, its the exams, I really need to do well. and you are so distracting, I know if I study with you, I’ll touch you and If I touch you a lot, I’ll not be able to stop till your sore’

‘Ai Tin!’ Can hit his arm softly, but he was at least smiling now.

‘How long have you felt like this?’ Tin asked

‘Long time’ Can mummbled in to Tins shoulder

‘Why didn’t you tell me about this?’

Can hiccuped, his voice shaking still ‘ I didn’t want to burden you with it, you are so strong Ai Tin’ he looked in to Tins shining eyes. ‘You’ve been through so much, I just wanna be your sunshine.’

‘You are’ Tin said ‘do you know how scared I am that you will lose interest in me, everytime I see you, and I don’t want you too, nothing in my life has ever made me this happy.’

Can looked at the older man, sitting in the car next to him. He had a way with words, Can wondered where he learnt how to spoke this way.

‘I always want to make you happy’

And with that Tin started his car, smiling softly. And if Tin had asked Can what he liked about Tins looks, he would say his smile, the one where Tins eyes shut slightly. But it would be a while until Can could tell Tin that.